StandUp

Youth for Christ. its been a while but i must say and that we can all say that in one way or another it bettered our lives even just for a little bit. even though leadership is sometimes questionable. we all cant say we couldve done better. because we quit. yes we did. not only did we turn our back on our "brothers and sisters in Christ" but we turned our backs on our church and our God. and not only are we not guilty for how we live our lives every single day through sin and guilty pleasures, but we enjoy it. so with easter coming, the ressurection of my Lord and Savior who died for us, i remember. who i am, or who i used to be. i remember when we lifted our hands eyes closed yelling at the top of our lungs not caring about how ugly our voices where knowing that only God was listening. 

What happened to... sisters eat first? my body is a temple of the holy spirit? 100% pure? i once did a share at camp about respect. and my highlight was men and women. and in my share with tears flowing down my face i said with all the pride i had in me " if anybody every disrespects any of my sisters or my brothers... i will pray for them." and through the witness of disrespect only came disrespect from my own. and prayer, is just, prayer to me. i forgot what it is like, ill admit it. and though so many of us our lost in our own life and emotion,

 i just want to remind whoever reads this that we were all lost before we went to camp. and then we all know what happened after, seeing people at their weakest yet, weakening ourselves in full trust. crying yet smiling and bringing out our true selves. it was amazing to me. and it changed me. so on this easter weekend with all these memories flowing through my head that i will NOT be standing. i will be kneeling. and with this gesture i hope to earn forgiveness. because it has been a year since i have went to church. and me and God just have too much catching up to do. 

AllTheMakings

when shes got soo much style but you cant even help but focus on her face. when your not with her you dont feel like yourself, and suddenly weakness. when the stupidest things can make you jelous. when just being with her leaves nothing but good.  when we're on the phone and dont have to say a word, because silence speaks a thousand. when i can make her cry but be the only one to make it all better. and even when she doesnt know everything about me, doesnt stop her from trying to do whats impossible.  when you feel so dam mushy that you would even blog about her. and the way shes just existing like she is, is amazing. 

UnfuckTheWorld

I always used to argue with vancouver people that vancouver is more dangerous than surrey. NO i take it back. i seriously dont understand wtf is going on. its been a month and for everyday of the month someones been murdered? i dont know what the worlds coming to when even canada is going bad. i dont like the thought of living in a world where my kids will have to live in fear of people with knives guns and nothing but bad intentions. so tell me, why cant we all just get along?

 whoever said progress was a slow process was probably talking about justice

Word?

The bad guy goes "good." that good girls gone bad. or so she thinks everybody thinks of Her. word. 

Words from his mouth become words from her mouth that grow to become word of mouth. word.

And word of mouth puts words into my mouth that makes bigger problems that words cant describe... word?

It IS all about the he said she said he said-bullshit.  quote.

So in my own words. whether truth be told or lies be uncontrolled, it doesnt matter. because my words will always effect you only in the way you want them to.

And the words of mine you choose to listen to, will always be there for you to manipulate and tell your even closer signficant other. because we all know you have more than one bestfriend boyfriend girlfriend fuck-buddy. 

And it gets to a point where its like...whats the point of even explaining? and what happened to just having a conversation? Cant we just talk, chill? better understand eachother maybe a little? without having someone else involved just this once?

Seems unlikely,

                  word.

DeepBreathes,Relaxation

If I were to compare my life to school I think my class schedule would be like this: Drama, Dance, Drama, PE, Drama, Drama, Dance, SPARE. So anyways im on my spare right now. PHEW. I wish God didnt mess up my classes and didnt make my life full of so many filipinos of all different ages, then maybe id be taking some better classes.  Finally after months I got to chill with the homeboys. And to think all I needed was some beer, a pool table, and the trilogy (superbad, wedding crashers, step brothers) add in a sprinkle of gambling and some reminiscing and I got myself one hell of a night. The late night pool jumps, the highschool football/basketball videos, and RISK! pssh icing on the cake has never been so sweet. 

"IWorkAtScienceworld"

Surrounded by kids for a whole shift, some people would hate that, but not me. i dont care what u say Kids are cool. its funny how i laugh at some of them now then realize 10 minutes later that it used to be me. I see the wierdest shit foreal.  The kids always ask for stamps, its like a must. what kind of kid doesnt like stamps? ill tell you what kind. the little boy who doesnt want one because he already has nail polish on HAHA. I see a lot of filipino nannies too. they all have the accent, and they all ask me if im filipino. and its like when a filipino thinks they see a filipino they have to ask. so they ask me, "filipino ka ba?" and i always reply, no sorry im from narnia. and as they walk away i look at them, and wait for them to realize... that i understood their tagalog. the turn around face i get it always so priceless.

part two- the leash. yeah the leash. i had one... why? because i couldnt be trusted around things that make noise/have color/ or look mildly attractive to the eye of a child. ok so i have nothing against a leash. but the other day this mom came in with a 10 yr old on her leash...A TEN YEAR OLD. but wait im not done, this leash was high tech. not like before this one had one handle that branched off into four connections. for up to four children! holy crap in the corner of my eye i thought this girl came in with dogs=S but instead i see four children-one-leash. 

i get to meet the nerdiest people. people i work with that is. i think me and ross are the only non dorks that work at scienceworld. it was a prerequisite but i had family that worked there. and i got ross the job. so every day im surrounded by world of warcraft stories. followed by transformer talk. followed by fake gun shooting from across the room... its just super dooper. im happy i have a job that i really like already hahah and not to mention i dont do shizz for my whole shift. just on the computer on the facebook, reading the news or watching youtube. 

but foreal i love working at scienceworld. its pretty much my number one ice breaker/ the only thing interesting about me. whenever i meet someone, if its akward all i have to say is i work at scienceworld. and out of nowhere conversation flows=D " i love scienceworld! do they have any new exhibits?". WELL...actually we have a new lego exhibit you should come by ill get you in free...yenno why? cuz i work at scienceworld... YES!

Reminisce

Lately it seems you've been draining out

your state of mind hanging out of balance

while waging another bout.

Take a respirator to remember

but barley can afford life's breath

time passes...

and then well realize how short the period 

that is life and eternal rest.

Even though this heart has been broken, mended, but may never heal

mere words are barely adequate to the emotions that are real.

maybe what they say is true "why mess with a good thing?"

good friends are hard to find, but when found are easy to keep... at least thats what i was told. i say the best friends are the ones you have to struggle with, fight for, and witness reality of life with.  i guess thats always been hard for me. with so many groups of friends its hard for me to decipher the ones who are actually there for me, and the ones who are there to in one way or another use me.  today was one of those reminiscing days. i realized im one to fuck up a lot. i dont know if its something i do above average or not, but its the truth. so many things im sorry for. ive been the reason why i lose so many friends i guess, but not in the "i stabbed them in the back" type of way. more like, i should have paid more attention to them or in some cases less attention to them. but its hard.

im hoping that one day this handful of individuals and i can go back to the days where we actually talked. because i enjoyed your company. because you actually listened. because we promised "friends forever no matter what". 

 " i went to school for fourteen years and my best teacher was experience"

LikeFatherLikeSon

i always thought that i could split my family life from the life i want to live. but today that changed. i guess i realized that a person cant truly hide who they are, and how they feel, one way or another no matter how hard a person tries its just impossible. it was exactly 10 months and 27 days since me and my dad actually talked to each other. i know because 10 months and 27 days ago was my birthday. and today of all days, my brothers birthday. is a day i will never forget.

everyday i wake up to angry voices, so it seemed normal. but today was different, it was my brothers birthday. i got up so we could all go to church as a family.  and as i brush my teeth my dad walks in. another one of his fucking fits. "your useless" "your the reason the family is broken" "you take up room in the house and i want you out". He was mad because i took so long to get up and he thought i didnt want to go. it might be my fault that it all started but i guess ill never know. for the first time i replied with all the feeling i had bottled up inside of me, after all the verbal abuse, i looked him straight in the eye and yelled louder than ever have, "stop acting like you care" and that was that. he looked at me in a way a father should never look at his own blood, his own son. and as i felt my back hit the wall i closed my eyes in fear. before i realize the pain, i see the blood on my face in the mirror. 

now theyre gone to mass and im left here by myself, tears flowing from my eyes. all i can remember is my dad. when we used to talk for hours. play basketball. go biking. he was MY ROLE MODEL. and i cant help but feel that this whole time of me not saying anything is because im exactly like him.  i will never hit my children, i dont give a fuck how much they piss me off. i will never EVER hit my kids.  so here i am packing my bags, ready for the worst. i have a few hours to think. its exactly what i need. i just pray to God that i stop failing myself, failing my family. and as much as i want to say sorry, i cant. as much as i want to tell them i love them i cant. im not a kid anymore, im not gonna act like it.  i am so thankful for everything i have and everything ive been given. but today i have to let it all go, im tired of hurting my parents. my sister, my brother. i cant stay here. im hoping that following my dads last words to me will show him that i still respect him like i always have. "pack your things, your no son of mine."

i love you dad and im sorry

MyFirstLove

As the loud chants and screams filled the gym i find myself looking at the scoreboard, it reads holy cross down two points to notre dame. and my eyes are locked on the final free throws hoping only that the pressure that is put on him overwhelms him. and when he missed both, my heart started beating slower. as the noise got louder i found my ears got more deaf. my full focus on the basketball knowing that holy cross has only one possession to tie or win game.  The three ball goes up in the air and misses, as the buzzer rings my heart isn't only broken because we lost, but because i realized how much i miss the game itself.  I played basketball for 15 out of 18 years of my life.  bringing me back to childhood when my dad bought me my Fischer price basketball hoop.  Teaching me everything from fundamentals to discipline.  I miss the close games, the championships, knowing your playing with the best in the province.  I'm a competitive person, i was just raised like that.  All the sweat and tears i put into basketball could fill swimming pools. and as i look back to what i know will be my glory days, physically all i have is a bad ankle a couple trophies, medals, and player of the game t-shirts. But in the mindset, basketball molded me to who i am today.  Now that its over i realize how much i actually got out of it.  Putting hard work towards something you love is more than worth it.  and looking back now, watching the little guys that looked up to my team, watching them do it just like we did. Man thatll make a grown man cry. i miss the game. ill always love it.

MoveIfYouWanna

Now having "my body as an instrument of God used through the movement of my soul only to evangelize..." That's all changed. Nowadays everyone who is anyone dances. The Ballers lace up their vans turn on the beat and their once pro-hop turns to hip-hop. I used to dance strictly for God, now I dance because I love it. The struggle of my faith vs the real world - the battle rages on. Dance for God, Dance for love, Dance for fun, Dance for Confidence, Dance for your Mama, Dance because its cool, Dance because its the only thing your good at.

I recently moved my room around, its like no matter what im doing, in my head im still moving. Never not listening to a beat. "Shit forgot my iPod..." then the people on the sky train think they see a retard moving in his seat to a jam that only he can hear in the quietest most loud studio where choreography flows faster the the blood through his veins known as my mind. Now Freestyle...key word FREE. Pay tribute to the beat, to the lyrics, to the melody. I used to think of dancing for God, now its like God himself proves he exists through the marriage of music and movement. Alright enough talk I need to dance...

MeetMy#2

Not a number 1.. and who knows that the other numbers mean?

LifeAsIKnowIt, thats me#2. For all my homeboys and homegirls who go to school, being the smart#1's in their lives making their future happen just like everyone else. I was never "1" to be like every"1" else. So I dont go to school. But that doesnt mean I wont make it. I dont want to be successful in school taking something, not even knowing how its gonna help me achieve my career. Id like to think i make things happen on my own. NeverBookSmart. Always-StreetSmart. In the eyes of the common commoner I would be seen as "going nowhere"...but fuck that. Who said the paths of life only flowed in one direction? My guilty pleasure is proving people wrong. Point being, I dont need to be number one.. to me, myself, or anybody. Number 2 is comfortable as fuck, and everyone knows the underdog has nothing to lose. 

Ive never been a number one... Theres always someone that means more to me, somehow ahead of me, or just plain better... nothing beats motivation.